Boundaries in Recovery: Lessons from Horses (and Life)
When a horse doesn’t want you in its space, it makes it crystal clear: a pinned ear, a swish of the tail, a shift of the hindquarters. Horses don’t second-guess themselves or apologize for needing space.
My First Lesson in Boundaries
Early in my Equus Coach® training, I was taught to honor and respect horses’ boundaries. The only time I pushed that was during one of my very first interactions with Sundance. You might remember the story I shared in my September 9 blog about this beautiful mare — she taught me some of my most important lessons in recovery, and boundaries were one of them.
I was asked to bring her from her paddock to the arena — just a simple walk with a beautiful horse and a classmate. What could go wrong?
I haltered her up, and off we went. But as we walked, she started pushing me toward the cars parked along the road — and I pushed back. Guess who won? She kept setting her boundaries, and I kept ignoring them. I was on task, determined to succeed, and I wasn’t paying attention to her cues.
I’m lucky she was a sweet horse, and I wasn’t hurt. The lesson? Boundaries = safety, not rejection. Horses teach us that boundaries keep relationships honest and balanced.
The very next day, after realizing how I had disrespected her space, I had the chance to work with her again. I silently apologized for ignoring her boundaries, and she graciously followed me around the arena, step for step. That was the moment I fell in love with the magic of horses.
Why Boundaries Matter in Recovery
What I know to be true is this: not honoring boundaries — yours or someone else’s — causes frustration, resentment, and even injury. And in recovery, ignoring boundaries doesn’t just create conflict; it can lead to relapse of any kind, pulling you back into old behaviors that no longer serve you.
Boundaries protect your peace, your progress, and your freedom.
Recovery-Specific Boundaries
Here are some of the most important boundaries women in recovery often need to set:
Events you will and won’t attend
People you may need to distance from in early recovery
Topics you’re not willing to discuss
Environments that support vs. threaten your healing
Practical Tips for Building Boundaries
Notice when you feel drained → a boundary was likely crossed.
Practice saying “no” without over-explaining.
Remember: a boundary protects you, it doesn’t punish them.
Boundaries Are NOT
Mean or selfish
Permanent or unchangeable
About controlling other people
Something you need to justify or explain
Boundaries ARE
Limits you set to protect your well-being
Communication about what you will and won’t accept
Self-care in action
Essential for maintaining recovery
Going Deeper
I dive even deeper into boundaries and resilience in Chapter 2 of my book, The BRAVE Recovery Method™ — because boundaries aren’t just a skill, they’re a survival tool.
Healthy boundaries = freedom.
If you’re struggling to hold yours, let’s talk. Schedule your free BRAVE Breakthrough Consult today — because you don’t have to do this alone.
