When You Realize You’re Tired of Being “The Strong One”
There comes a moment in every woman’s life, especially in midlife, when the title you’ve carried for decades starts to feel impossibly heavy.
The Strong One.
The Capable One.
The Fix-It Person.
The Emotional Shock Absorber.
The Glue.
And maybe you’ve worn that title with pride.
Maybe you’ve survived because of it.
Maybe being “the strong one” has been the only thing keeping your world from falling apart.
But here’s the truth no one talks about:
Being the strong one feels lonely. And exhausting. And sometimes, you just want to fucking let that shit go.
Not collapse. Not fall apart. Not hand your life over to someone else.
Just rest.
Just breathe.
Just exist for a minute without holding everything together.
If you’re feeling this way, you’re not failing. You’re finally telling the truth.
Why Being “The Strong One” Starts to Hurt
Women who play this role don’t burn out because they’re weak. They burn out because they’ve been carrying the emotional load of everyone around them… for years.
The load sounds like:
remembering everything
planning everything
managing moods and expectations
smoothing over conflict
absorbing tension so others don’t have to
pretending you’re fine because people depend on it
This is invisible emotional labor — and it’s heavy as hell.
And December?
December pours gasoline on it.
More expectations. More emotional management. More pressure to make things nice, smooth, warm, magical.
It’s a lot for any nervous system.
The Silent Loneliness of Being the Strong One
Nobody checks on the one who “seems fine.” Why? Because you’re “fine”, goddammit. People assume you’ll handle it. People lean on you because you’ve trained them to believe you’ll catch what they drop.
But who catches you?
Here’s the truth that hurts and heals at the same time:
Strong women need support, too. And admitting that doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.
This is one of the reasons horses are such powerful partners in healing.
Horses don’t respond to how capable we look or how well we’re holding it together. They respond to what’s actually happening inside the body.
When a woman has spent years being “the strong one,” her nervous system is often still braced long after the crisis has passed. Around horses, that effort isn’t required. The body gets permission to soften, without explanation, without performance.
What Helps When You’re Carrying Too Much
Not perfection. Not a life overhaul. Just relief.
1. Name what you’re actually carrying
Not the chore list. The emotional load underneath it. Your nervous system settles when the truth is spoken.
2. Take off the cape in one area
You don’t have to stop being capable. Just stop being superhuman in one place. Choose the easiest place to set something down.
3. Stop over-functioning for people who under-function
If someone can handle something, let them. Yes, they may fumble. They’ll live.
4. Let one person support you this week
Not save you. Just support you. Ask for something small.
5. Rest before you crash
Strength without rest becomes survival. Strength with rest becomes resilience.
6. Give yourself something restorative to look forward to
You don’t have to hold everything indefinitely. There’s power in knowing you have a place where the load gets lighter.
Retreating isn’t an escape. It’s permission to finally put the emotional weight down.
Your nervous system feels that shift the moment you decide it’s coming.
Final Reminder
If you’re tired of being “the strong one,” nothing is wrong with you. You’re just carrying too much.
You deserve moments where you don’t have to hold it all. You deserve softness. You deserve rest. And you deserve support that actually supports you.
Not someday. Now.
